10 Tips for Properly Addressing People

 Dr. Rodolfo John Ortiz Teope, PhD, EdD

When meeting someone for the first time, whether in a professional setting, social engagement, or even virtual interaction, the way we address them sets the tone for the relationship. Words, after all, are not merely sounds—they are signals of respect, acknowledgment, and intention. In a time when rapid communication often leads to informality and casual speech, refined etiquette in addressing others remains a timeless pillar of human interaction.

Understanding the Importance of Proper Address

In sociological and psychological terms, the way we speak to others—especially how we address them—can either build rapport or create social distance. According to Goffman (2008), the performance of identity during interaction is shaped significantly by how we frame our communication, including greetings and salutations. A proper address becomes an act of social alignment, a silent affirmation that we recognize the other person’s social status, role, and humanity.

Moreover, social psychologists have consistently emphasized that respect is not merely a passive value but an active behavior demonstrated in daily exchanges (Brown, 2010). Whether you’re a business leader addressing a new colleague or a student engaging with a professor, the choice of title and tone serves as a soft power that influences perception and receptivity (Spencer-Oatey, 2011).

Below are ten practical and timeless tips to help ensure that you address others appropriately across different contexts:

 

1. If in Doubt, Keep it Formal

The safest course of action when you’re uncertain how to address someone is to start with formality. First impressions matter, and using a formal title shows respect and deference. It also allows the person addressed to invite a more casual tone, if desired. As Forni (2010) emphasized, civility begins with the acknowledgment of another’s dignity, which formality conveys.

Example: Saying “Nice to meet you, Sir” shows a cautious courtesy. If the person prefers informality, they will often correct you with a “Please, call me Bill.” This exchange creates a smooth transition from formality to familiarity.

 

2. Use Mr., Mrs., Miss, or Ms. When You Know Their Last Name

Using a title with a surname demonstrates awareness of social conventions and respect for personal boundaries. This is especially important in traditional cultures, including the Philippines, where age and position are highly respected in language (Agoncillo, 2009).

For instance, “Hello, Mrs. Francisco!” is respectful and appropriate, especially in business or formal introductions. If and when the person invites you to call them by their first name, you can then adjust. Otherwise, continue with their preferred salutation.

 

3. Use Professional Titles Where Applicable

Acknowledging academic or professional titles such as Dr., Professor, Attorney, Engineer, or even “Your Honor” reflects recognition of someone’s achievements and role. Not only does this communicate respect, but it also reinforces professional boundaries (Jackson, 2012).

Whether you are meeting a medical doctor or a Queen, the rule remains: address the person by the title they have rightfully earned. Knowing titles in advance is an easy way to avoid social faux pas and immediately gain credibility.

 

4. If You’re Still Unsure, Ask Politely

Sometimes, the most respectful action is to simply ask how someone wishes to be addressed. While it may seem awkward, it’s more courteous than assuming.

For example: “Is it okay if I call you Rachel?” This opens the door to clarity, comfort, and mutual agreement. According to Holmes and Stubbe (2011), respectful communication includes negotiating relational norms rather than enforcing them.

 

5. Sometimes First Names are Acceptable

First-name basis is often appropriate in informal settings such as parties, weddings, or when introduced in a relaxed environment. Cultural norms play a huge role here. In many Western societies, first names are used more liberally, even in professional settings, compared to Eastern cultures (Tsui & Nunan, 2010).

Example: At a wedding dinner, someone might say, “Hi, I’m Princess. This is my husband, Raymond.” You can usually reply with your first name as well—creating a friendly atmosphere without rigid formality.

 

6. Sometimes, Only Last Names Should Be Used

In formal business settings or academic conferences, it is best to use titles and last names. Using “Ms.,” “Mr.,” or “Dr.” helps maintain professional decorum. The title “Ms.” in particular is recommended for women, regardless of marital status, offering both inclusivity and neutrality (Ehrlich, 2009).

This approach aligns with professional etiquette guides, which advocate formal address until familiarity is clearly established.

 

7. When Writing Email or Letters, Start Formal

Whether you’re writing an email to a company executive or a recommendation letter, always begin with formal address. In professional writing, the tone must be respectful and reflect the hierarchy, especially in initial correspondence.

As Crystal (2011) notes, electronic communication has not eliminated the need for courtesy—it simply changes the platform through which it is conveyed. For example, opening with “Dear Dr. Santos” or “To Attorney Lopez” is still preferred over “Hey” or just the first name.

 

8. Be Mindful of Nicknames and Pseudonyms

Some individuals may prefer being addressed by their nickname or pseudonym, especially in artistic or literary circles. However, discernment is key—what’s appropriate among close friends may not be suitable for professional interactions.

Nicknames such as “Pop Tart,” “Buddy,” or “Sis” can be endearing but might come off as unprofessional if used in the wrong setting. Research by Giles and Ogay (2010) on communication accommodation theory stresses that adapting our speech patterns—including the way we address others—can enhance communication or cause tension, depending on how it’s received.

 

9. Be Consistent in Your Address

Inconsistency in how you address someone can signal a lack of sincerity or attention. If you begin by calling someone “Mr. dela Cruz,” do not switch to “Buddy” unless invited. Being consistent shows mindfulness, especially in hierarchical or diplomatic environments.

Studies on workplace communication suggest that consistent use of proper address builds trust, particularly among cross-generational or multicultural teams (Thomas, 2012).

 

10. Do Your Homework Beforehand

Whenever possible, research the name and title of the person you are about to meet—especially if it’s a scheduled meeting or formal engagement. A little preparation avoids awkward moments and conveys professionalism.

This is particularly important in global or multicultural contexts, where addressing someone incorrectly may be viewed as ignorance or disrespect (Gudykunst & Kim, 2011). Think of a diplomatic meeting: no Klingon leader would call Captain Kirk anything other than “Captain,” after all.

 

Final Thoughts: Courtesy as a Cultural and Moral Currency

Properly addressing individuals is more than a social protocol—it’s a reflection of our values, awareness, and empathy. It is a reminder of the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” In both social and professional life, beginning a conversation with the right words sets the stage for trust, collaboration, and mutual respect.

Whether you're a student, diplomat, or meeting a neighbor, these principles remain timeless. In a world increasingly informal, those who master the art of address shine with a subtle elegance and an unmistakable respect for others.

 

References

Agoncillo, T. A. (2009). History of the Filipino People. Quezon City: Garotech Publishing.

Brown, P. (2010). Politeness: Some universals in language usage. Cambridge University Press.

Crystal, D. (2011). Internet Linguistics: A Student Guide. Routledge.

Ehrlich, S. (2009). Representing Rape: Language and Sexual Consent. Routledge.

Forni, P. M. (2010). Choosing Civility: The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct. St. Martin’s Griffin.

Giles, H., & Ogay, T. (2010). Communication accommodation theory. In W. Donsbach (Ed.), The international encyclopedia of communication. Wiley-Blackwell.

Goffman, E. (2008). Interaction Ritual: Essays in Face-to-Face Behavior. Aldine Transaction.

Gudykunst, W. B., & Kim, Y. Y. (2011). Communicating with Strangers: An Approach to Intercultural Communication. Routledge.

Holmes, J., & Stubbe, M. (2011). Power and Politeness in the Workplace: A Sociolinguistic Analysis of Talk at Work. Routledge.

Jackson, J. (2012). Culture, Identity, and Language Learning. Routledge.

Spencer-Oatey, H. (2011). Intercultural Interaction: A Multidisciplinary Approach to Intercultural Communication. Palgrave Macmillan.

Thomas, K. (2012). Diversity dynamics in professional teams. Journal of Organizational Culture, 11(4), 45–59.

Tsui, A. B., & Nunan, D. (2010). Classroom Discourse Analysis. Routledge.

 

Intellect

by

Dr. Rodolfo John Ortiz Teope

Let me share with you a truth that I hold very close, not just as a scholar but as a man who has walked many paths of learning, teaching, and self-discovery: our power to think—what we call the intellect—is not just a biological function or an evolved instinct. It is a spiritual capacity. A sacred faculty. And in the Catholic philosophical tradition, it is considered one of the most profound gifts given to the human soul.

I’ve often asked myself: What truly makes us human? When everything else falls away—our achievements, our failures, our possessions—what remains? The answer, I believe, lies in our ability to understand, to judge, to reflect, and to seek meaning beyond the surface of things. This is the work of the intellect. And it is through this mysterious power that we perceive not only the world around us but also the truth within ourselves.

From the Catholic perspective, the intellect is not just a fancy word for brain function. It is something higher. It’s a spiritual power of the soul that goes far beyond what the senses can perceive. Sure, our senses awaken our minds—light, sound, and touch—they trigger thought. But the intellect takes what is sensed and goes beyond. It asks questions. It makes connections. It sees the invisible behind the visible.

The intellect lets us pay attention, form concepts, compare, reason, make judgments, and above all, become aware of ourselves. That last one—self-awareness—that’s something we rarely pause to appreciate. Animals may survive, react, and even imitate behavior. But they don’t sit alone in the evening and ask, “Who am I?” or “What is the meaning of my suffering?” That belongs to us. That belongs to the intellect.

Growing up, I had moments—quiet ones—where I realized this gift was active in me. As a child, I stared at the stars and wondered what infinity meant. As a student, I struggled with the idea of justice—not just as a rule, but as a principle. As a public servant, I’ve watched people make impossible choices for dignity’s sake. And as a father and teacher, I’ve seen young minds awaken when they encounter something that makes them think deeply, not just memorize facts.

These moments are all intellectual. Not in a snobbish, academic sense—but in the spiritual sense. They are moments when the soul reaches out to grasp something greater than itself.

Now, I must be honest: today, we live in a world that has forgotten the depth of the human intellect. Much of modern thinking reduces the mind to a machine or a passive slate. From Hobbes to Locke to Hume, the story shifted—no longer were we souls seeking truth, but merely bundles of sensation, driven by impulse and reaction. Slowly, the idea that the mind could touch the eternal was abandoned. Instead, we were told that all knowledge comes from the senses, and anything beyond that is imagination.

But that never sat well with me. Or with Catholic thinkers across centuries.

Take Plato and Aristotle—two giants of ancient thought. Plato saw that there are two ways of knowing: one through the senses, the other through reason. He taught that while the senses show us a world of change and imperfection, reason brings us to eternal truths—what he called the “world of ideas.” His student Aristotle agreed, though he was more grounded. He taught that knowledge begins in the senses, yes—but the intellect steps in to make sense of what we see, to extract the universal from the particular.

Imagine a child seeing five different kinds of dogs. The senses show the colors, the sizes, and the sounds. But the intellect gives birth to the idea of “dog”—not this or that one, but the essence of dog-ness. That concept, that universal idea, does not come from sight or sound alone. It comes from the spiritual power of abstraction. That’s the intellect in action.

Catholic philosophers like St. Thomas Aquinas picked up where Aristotle left off. Aquinas saw the intellect as both active and passive. It receives information, yes—but it also works on it. It shines a light on the raw data of the senses and reveals the intelligible meaning beneath. And because the intellect can grasp universal, unchanging truths, it must be spiritual. It cannot be a function of flesh and neurons alone.

That’s why we don’t call animal instincts “intellect,” no matter how clever a dolphin or a chimpanzee might be. Their actions, however fascinating, are bound to their bodies. But the human intellect can think of God. It can reflect on love, death, and eternity. It can write poems about silence and cry over a thought that has no image. That is a different order of knowing.

Even language is a sign of our intellectual nature. Words are not just sounds. They are vessels of meaning. They carry ideas, not just images. When I say “freedom” or “mercy,” I’m not pointing to anything I can physically touch. But you, dear reader, understand me—because your intellect reaches into that same space of meaning.

But intellect is not born fully formed. Like a muscle, it develops with use. In the beginning, an infant feels, sees, and hears—but slowly begins to distinguish one thing from another. Over time, the child notices patterns, makes connections, and finally begins to ask “why.” This is the gradual unfolding of intellectual life. It starts from the senses but transcends them.

And as the intellect matures, it becomes not only a tool for knowing the world but also for knowing ourselves. It helps us discern right from wrong, remember our identity, and hope for the future. Conscience itself is the intellect 's moral function. It reflects on actions, intentions, and consequences. It listens for truth.

When I reflect on our world today—where truth is sometimes treated as a matter of opinion, and human dignity is so often forgotten—I see how urgently we need to reclaim this understanding of intellect. We are not just brains on legs. We are souls with minds that seek what is real, good, and beautiful.

And so I say this to the young thinkers, the tired teachers, the public servants, and the mothers, fathers, and friends: cherish your intellect. Nurture it. Use it not just to get by, but to understand, to grow, and to seek God. Let it be not just a lamp for your work, but a light for your soul.

We discover the truth—and in the truth, we discover ourselves—in that light.