Dr. Rodolfo John Ortiz Teope, PhD, EdD
When
meeting someone for the first time, whether in a professional setting, social
engagement, or even virtual interaction, the way we address them sets the tone
for the relationship. Words, after all, are not merely sounds—they are signals
of respect, acknowledgment, and intention. In a time when rapid communication
often leads to informality and casual speech, refined etiquette in addressing
others remains a timeless pillar of human interaction.
Understanding the Importance of Proper Address
In sociological and psychological terms, the way we speak to others—especially how we address them—can either build rapport or create social distance. According to Goffman (2008), the performance of identity during interaction is shaped significantly by how we frame our communication, including greetings and salutations. A proper address becomes an act of social alignment, a silent affirmation that we recognize the other person’s social status, role, and humanity.
Moreover, social psychologists have consistently emphasized that respect is not merely a passive value but an active behavior demonstrated in daily exchanges (Brown, 2010). Whether you’re a business leader addressing a new colleague or a student engaging with a professor, the choice of title and tone serves as a soft power that influences perception and receptivity (Spencer-Oatey, 2011).
Below are
ten practical and timeless tips to help ensure that you address others
appropriately across different contexts:
1. If in Doubt, Keep it Formal
The safest course of action when you’re uncertain how to address someone is to start with formality. First impressions matter, and using a formal title shows respect and deference. It also allows the person addressed to invite a more casual tone, if desired. As Forni (2010) emphasized, civility begins with the acknowledgment of another’s dignity, which formality conveys.
Example:
Saying “Nice to meet you, Sir” shows a cautious courtesy. If the person prefers
informality, they will often correct you with a “Please, call me Bill.” This
exchange creates a smooth transition from formality to familiarity.
2. Use Mr., Mrs., Miss, or Ms. When You Know Their Last Name
Using a title with a surname demonstrates awareness of social conventions and respect for personal boundaries. This is especially important in traditional cultures, including the Philippines, where age and position are highly respected in language (Agoncillo, 2009).
For
instance, “Hello, Mrs. Francisco!” is respectful and appropriate, especially in
business or formal introductions. If and when the person invites you to call
them by their first name, you can then adjust. Otherwise, continue with their
preferred salutation.
3. Use Professional Titles Where Applicable
Acknowledging academic or professional titles such as Dr., Professor, Attorney, Engineer, or even “Your Honor” reflects recognition of someone’s achievements and role. Not only does this communicate respect, but it also reinforces professional boundaries (Jackson, 2012).
Whether you
are meeting a medical doctor or a Queen, the rule remains: address the person
by the title they have rightfully earned. Knowing titles in advance is an easy
way to avoid social faux pas and immediately gain credibility.
4. If You’re Still Unsure, Ask Politely
Sometimes, the most respectful action is to simply ask how someone wishes to be addressed. While it may seem awkward, it’s more courteous than assuming.
For
example: “Is it okay if I call you Rachel?” This opens the door to clarity,
comfort, and mutual agreement. According to Holmes and Stubbe (2011),
respectful communication includes negotiating relational norms rather than
enforcing them.
5. Sometimes First Names are Acceptable
First-name basis is often appropriate in informal settings such as parties, weddings, or when introduced in a relaxed environment. Cultural norms play a huge role here. In many Western societies, first names are used more liberally, even in professional settings, compared to Eastern cultures (Tsui & Nunan, 2010).
Example: At
a wedding dinner, someone might say, “Hi, I’m Princess. This is my husband, Raymond.”
You can usually reply with your first name as well—creating a friendly
atmosphere without rigid formality.
6. Sometimes, Only Last Names Should Be Used
In formal business settings or academic conferences, it is best to use titles and last names. Using “Ms.,” “Mr.,” or “Dr.” helps maintain professional decorum. The title “Ms.” in particular is recommended for women, regardless of marital status, offering both inclusivity and neutrality (Ehrlich, 2009).
This approach aligns with professional etiquette guides, which advocate formal address until familiarity is clearly established.
7. When Writing Email or Letters, Start Formal
Whether you’re writing an email to a company executive or a recommendation letter, always begin with formal address. In professional writing, the tone must be respectful and reflect the hierarchy, especially in initial correspondence.
As Crystal
(2011) notes, electronic communication has not eliminated the need for
courtesy—it simply changes the platform through which it is conveyed. For
example, opening with “Dear Dr. Santos” or “To Attorney Lopez” is still
preferred over “Hey” or just the first name.
8. Be Mindful of Nicknames and Pseudonyms
Some individuals may prefer being addressed by their nickname or pseudonym, especially in artistic or literary circles. However, discernment is key—what’s appropriate among close friends may not be suitable for professional interactions.
Nicknames
such as “Pop Tart,” “Buddy,” or “Sis” can be endearing but might come off as
unprofessional if used in the wrong setting. Research by Giles and Ogay (2010)
on communication accommodation theory stresses that adapting our speech
patterns—including the way we address others—can enhance communication or cause
tension, depending on how it’s received.
9. Be Consistent in Your Address
Inconsistency in how you address someone can signal a lack of sincerity or attention. If you begin by calling someone “Mr. dela Cruz,” do not switch to “Buddy” unless invited. Being consistent shows mindfulness, especially in hierarchical or diplomatic environments.
Studies on
workplace communication suggest that consistent use of proper address builds
trust, particularly among cross-generational or multicultural teams (Thomas,
2012).
10. Do Your Homework Beforehand
Whenever possible, research the name and title of the person you are about to meet—especially if it’s a scheduled meeting or formal engagement. A little preparation avoids awkward moments and conveys professionalism.
This is
particularly important in global or multicultural contexts, where addressing
someone incorrectly may be viewed as ignorance or disrespect (Gudykunst &
Kim, 2011). Think of a diplomatic meeting: no Klingon leader would call Captain
Kirk anything other than “Captain,” after all.
Final Thoughts: Courtesy as a Cultural and Moral Currency
Properly addressing individuals is more than a social protocol—it’s a reflection of our values, awareness, and empathy. It is a reminder of the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” In both social and professional life, beginning a conversation with the right words sets the stage for trust, collaboration, and mutual respect.
Whether you're a student, diplomat, or meeting a neighbor, these principles remain timeless. In a world increasingly informal, those who master the
art of address shine with a subtle elegance and an unmistakable respect for
others.
References
Agoncillo,
T. A. (2009). History of the Filipino People. Quezon City: Garotech Publishing.
Brown, P.
(2010). Politeness: Some universals in language usage. Cambridge University
Press.
Crystal, D.
(2011). Internet Linguistics: A Student Guide. Routledge.
Ehrlich, S.
(2009). Representing Rape: Language and Sexual Consent. Routledge.
Forni, P.
M. (2010). Choosing Civility: The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct. St.
Martin’s Griffin.
Giles, H.,
& Ogay, T. (2010). Communication accommodation theory. In W. Donsbach
(Ed.), The international encyclopedia of communication. Wiley-Blackwell.
Goffman, E.
(2008). Interaction Ritual: Essays in Face-to-Face Behavior. Aldine
Transaction.
Gudykunst,
W. B., & Kim, Y. Y. (2011). Communicating with Strangers: An Approach to
Intercultural Communication. Routledge.
Holmes, J.,
& Stubbe, M. (2011). Power and Politeness in the Workplace: A
Sociolinguistic Analysis of Talk at Work. Routledge.
Jackson, J.
(2012). Culture, Identity, and Language Learning. Routledge.
Spencer-Oatey,
H. (2011). Intercultural Interaction: A Multidisciplinary Approach to
Intercultural Communication. Palgrave Macmillan.
Thomas, K.
(2012). Diversity dynamics in professional teams. Journal of Organizational
Culture, 11(4), 45–59.
Tsui, A.
B., & Nunan, D. (2010). Classroom Discourse Analysis. Routledge.
