*Dr. Rodolfo John Ortiz Teope, PhD, EdD
I grew up in a family molded by military discipline. My father, my Papang, was a retired officer of the Philippine Constabulary, and one of my older brothers followed in his footsteps, also retired as a Brigadier General. Discipline was not just taught in our home—it was lived, breathed, and expected every day. I am the youngest of six children—two boys and four sisters—with a seven-year gap between me and my closest sibling. All of us became professionals: lawyers, CPAs, and degree holders. And as the youngest, I carried that discipline forward, finishing more degrees than all of them combined, earning multiple master’s and doctorate titles. The discipline of my father’s command and my brother’s uniform, and later my own years teaching police generals, military officers, and men and women of the uniformed service, shaped how I view responsibility, authority, and life itself.
Now, as a single father raising a fifteen-year-old daughter, I sometimes see that same discipline reflected in the way I guide her. At times, I catch myself acting like a professor again—laying down rules, explaining lessons, molding her with both firmness and care. But unlike the rigid drills of a military academy, my discipline as a father must be gentler, more patient, more attuned to the fragile but resilient heart of a young girl finding her place in the world.
Every day she leaves for school, and I feel a quiet mix of pride and concern. She is becoming her own person—independent, curious, full of promise—but the world she steps into is not always kind. I know too well the unseen dangers: peer pressure, innocent mistakes, unawareness of breaking school rules, the harshness of online voices, and the silent battles against self-doubt. I cannot fight these for her, but I can prepare her.
I always remind her that school is not just a place for academics—it is the first training ground for life. It is where she learns to deal with people, handle frustrations, and confront realities that will never be fair. School is not heaven; she will not always be praised. Sometimes she must accept the decisions of superiors, even when she knows they are wrong. But I remind her: never imitate what is wrong. Once she told me her math solution was correct, yet her teacher marked it wrong. When she asked for the right solution, she was ignored. I told her, “Never mind that—for now. At least you know what is right.” Life won’t always reward us for being correct, but integrity is its own reward.
When it comes to her grades, I am clear with her: I don’t care where she scores lower. I care that she enjoys learning, that she learns honestly, and that she keeps stretching her own capacity. Honors and medals are often just bragging rights for parents. If she earns them, I will celebrate it with her. But if she chooses joy, balance, and the adventures of being young, I will celebrate that even more. I do not want her to live the life I lived—driven by medals and achievements. I want her to create her own path, balancing academics with laughter, friendships, and exploration.
Because she often joins me in meetings with high-profile figures, I remind her constantly to stay humble. I tell her not to imitate me because the pressures I carry are not the ones I want her to inherit. Instead, I encourage her to think independently, to explore beyond the classroom, to learn from reading, from experiences, from people. True learning, I tell her, cannot be confined to a curriculum.
But none of this means I leave her completely on her own. Children need to be managed, and yes, sometimes controlled—not out of selfishness, but out of love. Letting her go without guidance might break her. I control her through communication, and I always explain why I set rules. To me, control is not manipulation. Manipulation pushes children with fear and strips them of respect. But what I practice is what I call Reverential Control—guidance wrapped in respect. It is about showing her why boundaries exist, and helping her understand the meaning behind them. It is not about dictating her life but about keeping her safe while she learns to choose for herself.
As a father, I also need to know who her friends are, especially online. Trouble often begins not with strangers but with the influence of misguided friends. That is when children may lose respect for their parents—when they give more faith to others than to their own family. But this only happens if we, as parents, fail to give them time, fail to listen, or if we act as poor role models. Children who grow up in homes where parents constantly quarrel or dismiss their needs often search for validation elsewhere. I do not want that for my daughter. I want her to know she is heard, valued, and guided—not by fear, but by love and example.
Sometimes I wonder if I am doing enough. I do not have all the answers, but I have love, patience, and presence. I remind her that she is more than grades, likes, or applause. What matters most is her heart, her dignity, and her values when the world tests her.
There are nights I watch her sleep and feel time rushing forward. Soon she will be old enough to step into a world filled with both opportunity and trials. That thought frightens me, but it also keeps me steady in my role: to prepare her, to teach her that her voice matters, that saying “no” is not weakness, and that asking for help is a sign of strength.
Being a single father is not easy, but it has forged between us an unbreakable bond. She knows I am her provider, her listener, her guardrail, and her loudest cheer. Every challenge she faces, I carry with her. Every victory she wins, I celebrate as if it were mine.
And as I reflect, I see the circle completed. I was molded
by military discipline—by my Papang, by my brother who also wore the rank of
General, and by the environment that taught me order, respect, and
perseverance. That discipline gave me the strength to become who I am. But in
raising my daughter, I have learned that discipline must be softened by love,
anchored in patience, and wrapped in humility. If she carries any lesson from
me, I hope it is this: that strength and gentleness can live together, that
success is not medals or honors but integrity and courage, and that her
father’s discipline was never meant to cage her but to prepare her for freedom.
That, for me, is the true victory.
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